A cold
wind is beginning to strengthen off the harbor tonight. Beth enters the warm
kitchen of the house that she shares with Gabriel, her husband of four years
with her arms full with groceries. She closes the door with her foot.
She is
met by their dog, Finbar, a graying, scruffy mutt who adopted them over a year
ago. She can hear the patter of one child upstairs. It is probably their four
year old daughter Emily who cannot sit still for more than two minutes. Other
than that, it is oddly quiet around the house. After dropping the bags onto the
counter, she immediately turns on the stove to warm the kettle in hope of
getting at least a sip of tea before anyone else realizes she’s home.
She’s
curious as to why Sean has not been heard. Sean is usually a chatter box and at
his mother side within seconds of her stepping foot in the house. Beth slides
off her shoes and socks and begins to take the groceries out of the bags. She
pulls down an extra tea mug for Gabriel when she hears the creaking of the
stairs. Beth knows he’ll be writing tonight. He loves the energy a storm brings
to his creative soul and that it takes his mind away from his torment. As she
takes the tea out of the tin, he wraps his chiseled arms around her. Immediately,
she can tell his serious mood as he lets out a muffled sigh instead of nuzzling
up against her neck like he usually does. His black, curly hair
tickles her ear.
She
turns, leaning against the counter, his hands now on her hips. She peers up to
his dark eyes. “What is it?”
“Sean.
Teacher said he was pretty smart with everyone today. Even with me, copped a
bit of an attitude.”
Beth
tries to tame the black mop of hair, speckled with silver stands. “Any clue?”
“Tried
talkin’ to him and he ignored me.” He leans against Beth. “You’ll talk to
him?”
“Give me
twenty minutes. Let me feed the twins first.”
Gabe
kisses her forehead before he moves he hand under his wife’s shirt.
She
playfully smacks Gabe on his behind just as Emily runs into the kitchen.
“Was daddy
bad?” She stops and stares at her parents.
“Yes,
daddy was bad. He needed to be spanked” He starts laughing, thankfully ending
his serious mood.
Emily
starts to laugh right before she taps her father on his backside. Gabe turns to
his daughter. “One, two, three, go!” She runs off, her father running after
her.
Between
her tea, feeding the dog, and the twins, Beth wonders what could be wrong with
Sean. She’s home for almost an hour before he even comes out of his room. As
she puts Grace into her crib, he walks by the room.
“Sean,”
Beth calls to him quietly.
He stops
and stands in the doorway. He is the identical to his biological father and
Beth’s first husband, Kai, right down to the way he stands when he’s in a foul
mood. He kicks imaginary dirt with his foot and sticks his hands in his
pockets. His head hangs as his eyes peer up at her.
“Can you
go wash up and wait for me in your room? We need to talk, okay?”
“Yes,
mom.” He turns and walks away without saying anything else.
This
troubles Beth. Usually, he won’t stop talking, whether about dinosaurs, cars,
planes, or about a girl in class.
After
checking on Emily, who was talking to an imaginary prince in her room, Beth
knocks before going into Sean’s room. He sits on this bed, staring out the window.
“No stars
tonight with the storm.” She sits next to him, but senses he doesn’t want his
mother’s touch right now.
“It’s a
full moon anyway, you wouldn’t see them.” He crosses his arms.
“Is
everything alright? Your dad said you’ve had a bit of an attitude today. Even
the sisters took note of it.”
Sean
pauses with some hesitance. “Is Gabe my dad?” He stares at his mother.
Beth
feels her breath being taken away by the question. Although they wanted to wait
until he was a little older to explain the complicated family that they have,
it looks as if it might have to be done sooner.
“What
makes you ask a question like that?” She lowers her head a little to him.
He takes
a deep, thoughtful, breath and then begins in typical, breathless, Sean
fashion.
“Saturday,
when we were at nana Mary’s house, and I was in the guest bedroom sleeping,
well not really, I was pretending to sleep even though you said it’s rude when
I do that. Anyway, I heard some men in the back yard talking. They were talkin’
about me and wondering whether or not I was going to turn out like my dad. But
then one of them said that it’s impossible, ‘cause I never met him. And then
another said that it didn’t matter. And the first one said how much I look like
him. And I know I don’t look my dad because he has black hair and black eyes,
and I’ve brown hair and blue eyes. And then nana Mary came outside and told all
of them to hush.”
Beth
closes her eyes for a brief moment while it feels like the whole world is
collapsing around her at the moment. “Sean, I need to go get your dad, alright.
We both need to talk to you.”
“I’m
sorry I was pretending to be asleep. I know it’s rude.”
Beth knows that in his mind, he thinks he’s in trouble for that. “We’ll talk
about that later. First, let me go get your dad.”
Beth’s
mind is racing. She knew this talk would have to come, but hopefully it would
have been on their own terms. The walk into Gabe’s study seems like an
eternity. She enters the room without a word but keeps tucking her auburn hair
behind her ears.
“You
okay?” He hits save on the computer before standing up.
“Sean
heard some people talking over at Mary’s the other day. We need to talk to him.
About Kai.” Beth runs her fingers through her hair before slumping into a
couch.
“That
explains the attitude towards me.” He sits next to her, his arm immediately
around her.
“Will you talk to him with me? We have to tell
him…something.”
“Of course. I was just dreading him finding
out like this, you know.”
“I can’t
even imagine the questions he’s going to have. How angry he may be.” She wipes
away a tear. “I’m sorry.
“There is
only so much you can explain to a six year old, Beth. The rest he’ll have to
grow up to understand.” He brushes away some hair from her face.
“Gabriel,
that’s not comforting.” She sighs again. “Ready?”
They
enter Sean’s room, Beth first. She sits on the bed beside him. Gabe sits on a
chair way too small for him, in front of Sean.
“Sean,”
Beth begins, “we wanted to wait until you were a little older to explain this
to you.” She runs her fingers through his hair and looks into the eyes that
remind her so much of Kai. “Those men were talking about a man named Kai. I was
married to him before I married Gabriel. And, yes, that man…” She pauses until
a reassuring hand from Gabe is on her leg.” That man is your father. But, he
wasn’t even around when you were born. Gabe, for all purposes is your father.”
She pauses for him to absorb what she has told him.
“He
didn’t love us?” His eyes widened, waiting for any answer.
“He did
at one time. But, Sean, he didn’t even know you.”
“So he’s
dead?”
“I was
told he was.” Beth lowers her head and takes a deep breath before making eye
contact with her son again. “But I do know that Gabe, he loves you. He adopted
you as soon as he could.”
“What did
he look like?”
“Will
you?” Gabriel is already out the door to get a picture of Kai for Sean.
“Now,
nana Mary is his mother. Do you understand why we wanted to wait until you were
old enough to understand? It’s very confusing, I know.”
Sean
interrupts. “Did you love him?”
Beth
never thought she’d have to explain whether or not she loved Kai to her six
year old son. “I did. But some people change, for whatever reason.”
Gabe
brings a photo album to Sean.
“Why
don’t you show him?” Beth looks up at Gabe, wanting him to be part of this very
important conversation.
He sits
on the other side of Sean. He opens the album to a picture of Kai taken just
after he and Beth were married.
“Sean,
this is your father.”
Sean
studies the picture but does not say anything at first. Beth and Gabe look
quizzically at each other and give him another moment to study the photo.
“Do you
have any questions, Sean?” Gabe asks. “I know it’s a lot to understand.”
“I’ve met
him before.” Sean shakes his head and points at the picture.
Beth is
taken back by the statement.
“No, you
probably think you met him. Here look at the other pictures.” Gabe flips
through to find another picture of Kai..
“I met
him, but he said his name was John. He was by nana Mary’s house.”
“Was she
home when he stopped by?” Beth has turned pale.
“She made
him tea.”
#
“What’s this? Beth doesn’t even look at Gabe as he hands
her a glass.
“Zebra blood.”
Beth glares at him but and drink quickly.
“I wanted to make sure you were paying attention.” He
refills her glass and one for himself with whiskey.”
Beth takes her drink and walks to the shelf lined with
some of Gabe’s Army mementos. He is quick to her, pressing his body close to
hers. He nestles his face in her hair and whispers in her ear. “Let’s forget
about this for now.” He wraps his arms around his wife with no response.
“And if he’s alive?”
“We deal with it. Do you really think he is? Sean does
have quite the imagination”
Beth breaks away taking a large sip of her drink. She
sits on the couch and holds he head in her hands.
Gabe
leans his head against the shelf, his back to her. “What else can we do?
Beth leans back into the couch, her hands on her face as
if she’s trying to wipe this all away. “If he’s alive?”
Gabe turns and talks with the effect of three drinks in
him already. “Fuck him. He didn’t love you. And if he is alive now, I want him
dead for what he put you through.”
Beth jumps from the couch.
“What if
he tries something? Sean’s been alone with him.”
“You really think it’s him? You were told he died.” Gabe
moves to Beth and places his hands gently around her face.
“Convenient his body was never returned because it was
too dangerous. If he really wasn’t dead and came to see his mother, Sean would
have been a surprise to him.”
Gabe wraps his arms securely around his Beth. Beth leans
into his chest and he kisses the top of her head. “You’ve nothing to worry
about. We’ll keep Sean away from Mary’s. You know I’ve never liked him going
over there anyway.”
The wind suddenly gusts outside as the rain begins to
fall. The wind chimes in the backyard aggressively clang. The large rain drops
hit the window that looks out to the Harbor and Fort Independence Park. The
tremendous waves are highlighted by lightning, adding to the cacophony of
senses surrounding the couple. The thunder that follows startles them both,
more so Gabe.
“I’ll go
check on the kids.” Beth reluctantly moves away from him.
“No, I’ll
go. Fill the glasses and meet me in our room.”
“Want me to take
your mind of the thunder?” Beth’s serious demeanor softens as she teases her
husband with a kiss. “Don’t take too long.”
The sun shines
into the large windows. Beth sits up in a panic. Confused as to day, time, or
if she needs to be somewhere at the moment, she realizes that she’s been given
a gift of sleeping in. As the door opens, she quickly covers herself since the
clothes she threw on the floor hours ago are neatly folded on her dresser. The
whiskey she used to soothe her soul also catch up to her.
“Morning.” Gabe offers a cup of hot, black coffee to
Beth.
She moans at its rejuvenating powers. “Thank you.”
Gabe sits on the edge of the bed next to her. “Sean’s at
hockey practice, the twins have been fed, and Emily is dressed in her princess
finest and ready for a birthday party.
“Thank you. How is Sean?” She sips the black magic that
is giving a red tint to her cheeks.
“Fine. Even gave me an extra hug when I dropped him
off….but, you still have some detective work to do.”
“I’m sorry. I thought he was out of my life.” She leans
against Gabe.
“I’m sure it’s nothing. Just Sean’s imagination. I’m
gonna take the twins to the gym with me.” He takes the cup out of her hands.
“I’ll fill this up for you.”
“I didn’t finish it yet.”
He stands. “You’ll never get out of bed if I leave it
with you.” He winks as the chorus of “daddy, daddy” can be heard down the hall.
“I’m really starting to like thunderstorms. Not only do you make me forget that
they reminded me of imminent death and chaos of the desert, but you can yell my
name louder than you usually can.” He shuts the door before Beth throws a
pillow at him.
Beth
knocks on her former mother-in law’s door before entering. The kitchen is warm,
always ready for a guest.
“Yra tai, kad jūs, Kai?” The voice comes from
another room on the first floor.
Beth
closes her eyes at the sound of his name and the Lithuanian it is spoken in.
This nightmare is becoming reality. She swallows and takes a deep breath before
answering. “No, it’s just me…I brought bacon buns.” Beth hold the box up as the
grease oozes through. “I could use some tea though.”
Stunned as she enters the threshold of the kitchen, Mary
quickly corrects herself. “I apologize. I still forget he’s gone sometimes, you
know. Sit and I’ll get us some tea.” She take the box from Beth.
Beth removes her coat and places it on a chair and the
car keys on the table.
“Please,
dear sit, and let me get you one of these buns. You’re wasting away.”
“Sleep seems more important than eating these days, I
guess.” Beth’s eyes dart around the kitchen as she sits.
“Sean is getting so big. And he’s so smart.” Mary places
fine tea cups on the table. “He’s just as smart …” she hesitates.
“He is. I think he’s even smarter than Kai was.” She
desperately wanted to use the word is to gauge Mary’s reaction.
Mary brings a jar of tea bags to the table. “Let’s give
the water a minute to boil.”
As usual, Mary does not mention Gabriel, little Gabe,
Grace, or Emily. While they all grew up in Southie, Gabe grew up that dirty
Irish punk in the Mary Ellen McCormack Housing Projects in the shadows of the
ghost of some of South Boston’s most notorious criminals only to become a
decorated Army Major and semi-famous author. Kai on the other hand, was a good
first generation Lithuanian American who robbed from the collection at St.
Peter’s Church and grew up to be a defense contractor who would have a complete
change of character after the marriage certificate was signed.
“How is work?”
“Busy, as usual. After I grade the midterms, Gabe and the
kids and I are going to his sister’s in Florida. It will be nice to feel some
sun for a change before winter sets in.
The subject draws Beth back to the stove where the water
is just beginning to boil. “You work hard, you deserve it.” She bring the
kettle to the table and pours the water into the blue tea cups.
“Where are you off to next dear?” Mary stares at Beth
while she hastily pours.
“I wasn’t in a rush, really. Actually have part of the
day to myself.” She adds copious amounts of sugar to the generic, stale tea.
“Did I interrupt something?”
“No, well, some of the ladies from the church are coming
over this afternoon. I wanted to have the house ready for them.” Mary sits and
dabs the tea bag in and out of the water.
Beth swirls the tea around with her spoon. “Well,
actually, I did have something to talk to you about.” She places the spoon next
to the cup in an almost choreographed move, then picks up the tea and sips it.
She almost chokes on the sugary concoction. “But, it’s important so I can come
back. Maybe tomorrow?”
“Is everything alright dear? Mary’s knuckles are turning
white as she holds her tea cup.
“Everything is fine. Really. I apologize for not calling
first.” Beth stands and picks up the car keys. “Please share the pastries with
your church group.”
Mary stands as Beth rushes to the door.
“Thank you for the tea. I’ll call tomorrow, if that’s
okay?”
“You don’t have to rush off.” Says Beth, as she now
ushers Mary to the door.
But Beth is off down the sidewalk to the car, to wait.
Beth doesn’t have to endure the aftermath of the bitterly
sweet tea long before she recognizes the figure walking up the block past her
car. He may have his hood pulled up over his head with shades covering his blue
eyes, but he has his hands shoved into his pockets and walks with a smooth,
almost mesmerizing gait.
The slick engineer she fell in love with,
became the psychopathic liar who didn’t have to put on hand on her body to harm
her. His abrupt personality change once they married never alluded her inquisition.
Beth was happy to blame it on a psychological disorder or even a brain tumor as
opposed to admit she was duped by an abusive man who wanted nothing more than
someone to control.
Once he is inside the house, Beth takes a deep breath and
mutters to herself, “Well, what about that? I left my coat and cell phone
inside her house.” A second deep breath and Beth gets out of the car.
This time Beth does not knock but walks right into the
house. “So sorry Mary, I seemed to have forgotten my coat.” Beth walks up to a
very shocked Kai. “You must be John.”
“Beth, this isn’t the time to get upset.” Mary seems to
even question herself with the statement.
“Elisabeth.” Kai rocks back and forth on his feet. “Mom,
can we…”
Mary is quick to exit the room.
“Sit?” He pulls out a chair and waits until Beth is
seated before he does the same. He leans his elbows on the table and lowers his
head. He speaks very low. “I didn’t have a choice.”
Beth remains with her back to the chair, she is careful
not to cross her arms and places her hands on her lap. She stares at the Kai’s
unblinking, azure eyes.
#
“What do you mean you met with him?” Pearl Jam’s Yellow Ledbetter hits the guitar solo as
Gabe slams his glass of scotch down onto his wooden writing desk. Gabe takes
his glasses off and places them on the table. He sighs, places his elbows on
the desk rests his face against his folded hands. He glances up at Beth. Gabe
bites his lower lip, places both his arms on the chair rest, and tilts his head
back before answering. “What did he tell you?” The dying sun reflects orange
tones across the room, making it unclear just how red Gabe’s face really is.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me you saw him?” She stomps her
foot and balls her fists.
Gabe quickly stands and rushes to her, pointing his
finger in her face. “Because I couldn’t. He shouldn’t have even said anything
to you. That was classified.” He turns his back to her.
“None of this makes sense, Gabriel. I admit I don’t
really know what Kai did as a contractor and now I’m not even sure what you
were doing over there.” Beth walks to the couch and sits down, running her
hands through her hair before falling back into the soft cushions.
Gabe turns. “What did he tell you?” He sighs out his
aggression and moves next to Beth on the couch.
She crosses her arms. “Nothing that made sense. That he
had no choice and that this time it was really goodbye.”
Gabe’s mouth twitches. Then he opens his mouth but seems
to be searching for the appropriate words.
“You knew he was alive, Gabriel.” She sits and turns to
her husband. “I don’t know why you couldn’t tell me…”
“What else did he tell you?” Gabe asks impatiently. “Everything.” The music has ended and the word everything seems to echo loudly through the room.
Beth looks at the floor and gathers her memory of the
scattered conversation. “He didn't apologize.” She
stammers as she continues. “He said he never had a choice. That while he did
love me, he couldn’t. He kept saying that. He never had a choice.” Beth pauses.
“Go on.”
Beth rubs her temples. “I didn’t tell him I was unaware that
you two saw each other. He said he didn’t realize it was you in Kabul until it
was too late for him. Then he told me to never tell Kai about him.” She stops
and the silence is overwhelming.
Gabe leans forward. “He’s going away for good this time.”
“And how do you know?” Her sarcasm is not taken well.
Gabe glares at her. “Because the issue has been dissolved.”
“What the hell does that mean? What does any of this
mean, Gabe?”
Gabe stands and walks over
to the window, looking as if he is checking to make sure no one is standing
outside listening even though it’s dark out. “His real name is John André
Dovchenko. Long story short, Mary inadvertently adopted a Russian spy in
training. You gave him citizenship and closed the circle on what the Russians
were looking for.” He turns to her.
“You’re joking.” She stands. “Gabriel…”
“He didn’t have
a choice. When he left you he didn’t know what he was getting into. The way he
treated you, it was a part of his training. He thought the contracting company
was toughening him up for his deployment. It was all a set up."
Beth closes her eyes and lets out a deep breath. “I
really don’t understand any of this.”
Gabriel walks closer to her and puts his hands on her
shoulders. “My mission was to find people trying to gain control of the poppy
trade, in person, online accounts in the dark web. Kai was working both sides.
He was sold to the foreign intel service like an indentured servant before he
was born. His real father owed some debts to someone in government. When I
found that out, we … I convinced him to work for us as well. ”
“Like the KGB?” Beth shakes her head side to side not
believing the words she is saying.
“Sort of. He’s back because someone doxed him to both
sides.”
Beth looks confused.
“Doxed. Someone revealed his identity. I’m guessing he’s
home to say goodbye because he has to go underground or …” He takes her face in
his hands. “I did some research while you were out today.”
“But...Sean? He’s safe?”
The darkness has enveloped them. “I told you. The issue is dissolved.”